What it means to be a real man

In life, there's acquired wisdom which stems from practicality, doing things, making mistakes and learning from them. Then there's the gifted wisdom. This one is harder to come by since it's given. The best thing about this is that it is always passed on from one to another - verbally.


I'm lucky to say that today I did receive some sensible wisdom from none other than my mother. Today we talked about general topics but we came up on one that really stuck out to me and got me thinking today.


See, when a man is down bad - either starting out or just hit a rough patch in life, he tends to withdraw and the signs are as clear as day. The sluggishness in his walk, the dejection in his gait, the stooped shoulders, the eyes constantly focused on the floor and that chin that's always down.


I don't know how but during this time, this man will rarely have a lady that is interested in him. It's like a perennial stench wafts from his person(whether or not he took a shower). The loneliness propagates into self-doubt and the esteem gets drained away in an almost vampiric fashion (reference made to the greatest game of all time. The Witcher 3, which had the freakiest vampire experience I've ever played in a game in my entire life.


👇🏽 this character would pop up in my dreams and scare the heck out of me - it was always so real)





But, in some divine way, there are some who see past the present state of this man and choose him like a farmer would choose seeds to plant before the rain. This farmer doesn't know how the yield will be but based on intuition and no small amount of hope, they choose to embark on a journey of nurturing these seeds. Fact is, it's the same way for a lady who sees potential in this man.


Fast forward, the man does something with his life(can't be down forever, right?) and starts making money, starts a family and sees success. This is when his true self comes out on full display. There's two types of men:


  1. The real man - A man who, regardless of the amount of success, chooses honor, loyalty and vision to the woman who was with him when he was coming up.

  2. The "fugazi"(fake) man - A man who, when he considers himself successful, chooses to cheat, lie and dishonor the partner who walked with him when he had jack shit to his name.

In my life I've picked up a lot of my life lessons from sport and sport figures and there's a few that I look up to in terms of life's decisions. LeBron James and Stephen Curry. I consider the two real men who all men should choose to model their life around. Despite the fame and all the wealth they've accumulated for themselves, they and their spouses have had 0 controversy on fidelity. If that's not impressive, I don't know what is. Especially when people, both men and women are literally throwing themselves at them. Now if they can do it, why can't you and I do it (not throwing shade but we don't got it like they do).





See when I, or any man makes money, we tend to become "peacocks". We want to show off to the opposite sex as being capable of being a worthy partner and the more we make, the more we want to increase their numbers. Some say that it's a natural inclination - man was created to have many partners, some say it's a choice. The debate continues.


From my observation, it does more harm than good. The lack of self-awareness from a man and retrospective inspection that suggests, without a shadow of doubt, that the one who was with you from the beginning, is the ONE. As a man, when you want that Instagram model who satisfies your fantasies, you are fanning the flames of destruction(not only financial but also emotional, spiritual and mental) because you are looking to use her as an object of your desires and she intends to use you as a means to an end. Purely transactional. For the guy, it always costs more. Period.


I am a firm believer that love is not a noun. It's a verb. It's an act of doing. The more you do it, the more you feel it. Loving a spouse or a partner is just that and couples that make it through the ups and downs are those who tend to do things, not the ones who speak things.


A woman is like a flower, shower her with love, affection and attention, just like you would a real flower and she will blossom right before you. It's a simple calculus that every man can do and when we focus and double down on that one that we NEED and not the one that we WANT, well, good things tend to happen.


I'm not writing this to show how enlightened I am. Hardly. I'm writing this to reach out to my inner real man, to remind him that the sanctity and honor that a relationship requires is within reach. It only takes a decision to stick and commit to something, like going to the gym. The results - fitness and a well toned body. The results of staying honorable in a relationship/marriage - happiness and all the success in the world. Who wouldn't want that for themselves and their family.


In closing, I want to reference 2 Chainz on a YouTube video that I can't seem to find today to share here. He said:


"Instead of finding the right one, be the right one."


TRUUUU!!


Till next time!


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